Published at

    12 Feb, 2025

    Author

    Gripastudio

    As a retiree with an abundance of time, I’ve found myself doing this often lately—watching. Quietly observing my younger friends, ex-colleagues, customers, my children, and their friends. It’s not judgment, not in the slightest. It’s more like curiosity tinged with nostalgia.

    They’re all so busy—managing careers, relationships, social media feeds. Their calendars are packed with brunches, work calls, workouts, and weekend getaways. On the surface, it looks like everything is in place. They’re checking all the boxes, aren’t they?

    The other day, I sat at a café with a young ex-colleague of mine, someone bright and ambitious, someone who, at least on her résumé, has it all together. She was pouring her heart out, a mix of frustration and sadness in her voice.

    “I went to the right schools. Got the degree. Landed the dream job. Built a successful career. My family’s proud of me. On the surface, everything is perfect. But inside…” She trailed off, staring into her cup of coffee. Then, almost in a whisper, she asked, “Why do I still feel lost? Like, now what?”

    Her words stayed with me. Not because they were new, but because I had heard them before—at dinner tables, during late-night conversations, in passing remarks from friends, colleagues, and even my own children.

    There’s a strange ache that seems to follow people who have done everything society told them to do. It’s like climbing a ladder, step by step, only to reach the top and wonder why the view isn’t what you imagined.

    ### The Unseen Weight of Expectations Growing up in Indonesia in the 70s and 80s, life followed a certain script. Study hard, get a stable job, build a family, provide for them, and, eventually, retire in peace. It was simple, predictable, and, admittedly, restrictive at times. But it gave us structure, a sense of progression. It offered milestones to aim for, guardrails to keep us on the path. There wasn’t much room to question or deviate; I simply did what I had to do. Today’s generation, however, has been handed a much more complicated script. While the traditional expectations still linger (family pressure doesn’t exactly disappear overnight), there’s also this added layer of modern ambition. You’re not just expected to succeed in life; you’re supposed to _thrive_. To be _happy_. To be _fulfilled_. Social media complicates it even further. It’s not enough to have a good job; you need a job that aligns with your passions. It’s not enough to be in a relationship; it has to be #couplegoals. You’re not just living your life—you’re curating it for an audience, seeking their validation. And when you achieve all those things but still feel an emptiness inside, the guilt creeps in. _You should be grateful. You should be happy. Why aren’t you happy?_

    The Unseen Weight of Expectations

    Growing up in Indonesia in the 70s and 80s, life followed a certain script. Study hard, get a stable job, build a family, provide for them, and, eventually, retire in peace. It was simple, predictable, and, admittedly, restrictive at times. But it gave us structure, a sense of progression. It offered milestones to aim for, guardrails to keep us on the path. There wasn’t much room to question or deviate; I simply did what I had to do.

    Today’s generation, however, has been handed a much more complicated script. While the traditional expectations still linger (family pressure doesn’t exactly disappear overnight), there’s also this added layer of modern ambition. You’re not just expected to succeed in life; you’re supposed to thrive. To be happy. To be fulfilled.

    Social media complicates it even further. It’s not enough to have a good job; you need a job that aligns with your passions. It’s not enough to be in a relationship; it has to be #couplegoals. You’re not just living your life—you’re curating it for an audience, seeking their validation.

    And when you achieve all those things but still feel an emptiness inside, the guilt creeps in.

    You should be grateful. You should be happy. Why aren’t you happy?

    The Myth of the Linear Path

    At some point, we were all taught that life is a straight road. That if we just kept moving forward, checking off all the right boxes, we’d arrive at a place called fulfilment.

    Graduating. Getting a job. Climbing the career ladder. Buying a house. Finding a partner. These are tangible markers that we associate with progress. But what happens when you reach them all and still feel stuck?

    This is where the disconnect lies. The “script” we’ve been given is focused on external achievements, not internal alignment. It tells us what to do, but not why we’re doing it.

    So we keep climbing, keep achieving, without ever pausing to ask ourselves the bigger questions: • What do I truly value? • What brings me joy? • Who am I, outside of my job, my titles, my roles? • Why am I here? What is my purpose?

    These aren’t easy questions, and they don’t come with easy answers. But they’re the questions that move us closer to fulfillment—the kind of fulfillment that no paycheck, no degree, and no Instagram post can provide.

    ### The Cost of Noise I think about the world my younger friends and colleagues live in now, and I can’t help but feel a pang of compassion. They’re bombarded with so much noise—notifications, advice, comparisons, and opinions. The pressure to keep up is relentless, and the idea of slowing down feels almost impossible. But here’s the truth: That constant noise doesn’t just distract us; it drowns out our inner voice. The one that knows what we really want. The one that’s been whispering all along, telling us to look inward instead of outward. When was the last time you sat with yourself—really sat with yourself—and listened? No phone, no scrolling, no Netflix or playlists to fill the silence. Just you, your thoughts, and your breath. If we can quiet the noise, even for a moment, we can begin to ask the deeper question: _What does success actually mean?_

    The Cost of Noise

    I think about the world my younger friends and colleagues live in now, and I can’t help but feel a pang of compassion. They’re bombarded with so much noise—notifications, advice, comparisons, and opinions. The pressure to keep up is relentless, and the idea of slowing down feels almost impossible.

    But here’s the truth: That constant noise doesn’t just distract us; it drowns out our inner voice. The one that knows what we really want. The one that’s been whispering all along, telling us to look inward instead of outward.

    When was the last time you sat with yourself—really sat with yourself—and listened? No phone, no scrolling, no Netflix or playlists to fill the silence. Just you, your thoughts, and your breath.

    If we can quiet the noise, even for a moment, we can begin to ask the deeper question: What does success actually mean?

    ### Redefining Success If there’s one thing I’ve learned from observing this generation, it’s this: The old definitions of success no longer fit. They’re too narrow, too rigid, too focused on external validation. Success doesn’t have to look like a high salary, a picture-perfect relationship, or a life that checks every societal box. For some, success is raising a family with love and intention. For others, it’s dedicating their life to a cause they believe in. For others still, it’s simply living in alignment with their values, however unconventional that might look. There’s no right answer. _The key is to define it for yourself._ **Start by asking:** • What does a meaningful life look like to me? • If I stripped away all the expectations—family, society, social media—what would I want? • What do I want to leave behind, not in terms of material wealth, but in terms of impact? These aren’t questions you answer in a day. They take time, reflection, and a willingness to unlearn everything you thought you knew about success.

    Redefining Success

    If there’s one thing I’ve learned from observing this generation, it’s this: The old definitions of success no longer fit. They’re too narrow, too rigid, too focused on external validation.

    Success doesn’t have to look like a high salary, a picture-perfect relationship, or a life that checks every societal box. For some, success is raising a family with love and intention. For others, it’s dedicating their life to a cause they believe in. For others still, it’s simply living in alignment with their values, however unconventional that might look.

    There’s no right answer. The key is to define it for yourself.

    Start by asking: • What does a meaningful life look like to me? • If I stripped away all the expectations—family, society, social media—what would I want? • What do I want to leave behind, not in terms of material wealth, but in terms of impact?

    These aren’t questions you answer in a day. They take time, reflection, and a willingness to unlearn everything you thought you knew about success.

    The Courage to Pause

    Here’s the part that’s hardest for most of us to accept: Feeling lost isn’t a failure. It’s a sign that something deeper inside you is stirring, calling you to reevaluate, to realign.

    But that process requires something counterintuitive in today’s world—it requires stillness. A pause. A willingness to step back from the noise and sit with the discomfort of not knowing.

    It’s in that stillness that clarity begins to emerge. Not all at once, and not perfectly. But piece by piece, like a puzzle slowly coming together.

    ### The Whisper of Freedom To the ex-colleague I sat with at the café, and to everyone else who feels lost despite “doing everything right,” let me offer this: _You’re not broken. You’re not ungrateful. You’re not failing._ You’re simply being called to rewrite your story. To let go of the old script and start crafting one that feels true to you. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. But if you’re willing to listen—to your inner voice, to the quiet whisper of your soul—you’ll find your way. Not to a perfect destination, _but to a life that feels like home._ And isn’t that what we’re all really searching for?

    The Whisper of Freedom

    To the ex-colleague I sat with at the café, and to everyone else who feels lost despite “doing everything right,” let me offer this: You’re not broken. You’re not ungrateful. You’re not failing.

    You’re simply being called to rewrite your story. To let go of the old script and start crafting one that feels true to you.

    It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen overnight. But if you’re willing to listen—to your inner voice, to the quiet whisper of your soul—you’ll find your way. Not to a perfect destination, but to a life that feels like home.

    And isn’t that what we’re all really searching for?

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